How I Grew a Sense of Fashion (Spoiler: I Have None)

Do you really need an aesthetic?

I was 15, and I was a mess.

While people around me were getting interested in makeup and dating and dressing up, I was a late bloomer.

I couldn’t care less about my appearance.

I’d walk around shopping stores with my Mom, daydreaming, looking for meaning in my life…instead of actually looking for clothes.

The consequences were troubling.

What I was suggesting with my style (or lack thereof) was this:

“You Have No Personality.”

Ouch…

Of course, everyone wants to have a personality. But there you are, taking up space like a boring and insignificant potato.

So what do you do?

Simple. Repeat this one word after me:

Specialize.

As soon as you’re in kindergarten, they ask: “Who do you wanna be when you grow up?”

Welcome to the religion of specialization.

Then you’re in high school, and it’s getting serious. You’re expected to choose one field of study, as if your life depended on it.

A few years later, you need one career path.

If you don’t have a job, you’re supposed to mention one special talent, one passion, one business niche, something that will make you an interesting human being.

Are you into music? Tell me your genre. You like books? Tell me whether you’re the fiction or the non-fiction type of reader. Not both.

And we call that "having a personality".

See where it goes?

The true meaning of life is to become a cartoon character.

So people can have a mental image of you when they meet you.

So they can define you.

Don’t worry if you’re as clueless as me. No one’s meant to be Mr. or Ms. No Personality forever.

So let’s work on that:

How To Choose An Aesthetic

Step 1: Read a fashion magazine.

During my potato era, I came across a double-page spread:
“Which style are you?”

It changed my life.

You had the punk girl. The grunge girl. The classy girl. I don’t remember all the aesthetics, but you get the point.

Somehow, my preference leaned towards grunge.

And that, my friend, is how I started to acquire a sense of personal taste.

Step 2: Find clothes.

Forget about meditation retreats. They’re overrated.

If you really want to discover yourself, I have the perfect place for you:

The mall.

Where people stare into the mirror and ask themselves the existential question: “Does it suit me?”

Well, it could be anything.

Some people find a cute T-shirt. Others find some glossy boots. Shopping is like an identity treasure hunt. It’s so exciting!

You walk down the aisles with the fashion magazine in your hands, knowing you have to be "grunge" and pray for the best.

Then it appears.

A pair of burgundy plaid pants.

You find them cool. They’re grunge enough.

So here’s your wallet.

Remember: You’re not shopping for a piece of fabric.
You’re shopping for a personality. Sounds like a good investment.

The cartoonish self is slowly taking shape…

Now it’s time to show it.

Step 3: Realize you’re still Ms. No Personality but fancier-looking.

I don’t know what kind of epiphany struck me at fifteen, but I decided to wear plaid on everything. Plaid shirts, plaid scarves, and yes, those plaid burgundy pants.

For some reason, I was complimented. “I love your style!” someone said. Whether that was true or not, I was flattered. More than that, I was reassured because…

I was no longer Ms. No Personality.

But that was an illusion.

I wasn’t myself. I was trying to be.

I was experimenting because that’s what you do when you’re an awkward teenager. And that’s okay. People give you a gentle smile as they know you’re still trying to make sense of your identity.

But flash forward, and now you’re a full-fledged adult.

Do you still know yourself?

Over the years, I tried many styles. Started wearing more dresses. Got interested in cute aesthetics. Switched back to only wearing jeans. Grew an affection for pastel sweaters. Then decided black outfits were my favorite. Returned to a classic, “simple is the best” mentality.

And I still don’t know how to define myself.

When is this teenage era gonna end?

Step 4: If all fails — Ask for a makeover.

Instead of going through all this inner turmoil, here’s a safer trick:

Apply for a TV show.

You know, the program where they blindfold you as they do whatever the heck they want to your appearance. Your taste? It’s mediocre at best, so of course, you don’t get to decide.

On D-Day, as you stare into the mirror, pretend you’re in awe of your new look, as your family is crying their eyes out, hugging you and exclaiming how GORGEOUS you are.

Who knew a change of appearance could make people realize the beauty in you? But it works. Now, you do have a personality.

Okay.

But do you still know who you are?

Forget About ‘One’ Aesthetic.

Instead of deciding what label you should embody…

I suggest cultivating the things you like, discarding the things you don’t, and here you go! You don’t need a personality.

You are the personality.

As you get older, your taste is going to change anyway.

So right now, you could be anything.

Your aesthetic surpasses the realm of fashion and makeup and whatever filter you apply for self-definition.

It's what you love out of spontaneity.

As the saying goes: “Love happens when you least expect it”.

Maybe your taste is never fixed because at heart, you’re still a beginner.

You’re always experimenting.

Perhaps you have to stumble on hundreds of styles/artworks/ideas you feel lukewarm about, until you find a masterpiece that you really, really like.

And when that happens…

When you slowly realize what you find beautiful, what you care about, what keeps you dreaming…It’s gonna translate into your clothing.

Maybe your style comes from within.

But what’s within?