Shyness is a Mask, Not a Personality Trait

The biggest lie I fell into: “You’re a shy person”.

Of course, I believed it.

“That's the way I am,” I tell myself without giving it a second thought.

But over time, I started to realize it was never my "true" self.

2 Misconceptions Around Shyness

My theory is that every shy person you’ve met is actually not shy.

Misconception #1: A shy person is like that all the time and with everyone.

If shyness were a personality trait, then I guess it’d be somewhat stable.

Yes, it can permeate a lot throughout life. Genetics might come into play. And sometimes, it can morph into social anxiety or avoidant personality disorder.

But when you feel the safest (= you’re on your own), do you feel as fixated on your gestures as when you’re interacting with another person?

Another thing is that we often confuse shyness with introversion. Someone is quiet, and we think they must be socially awkward. When really, their energy is more focused on their internal world.

Shyness, on the other hand, implies a level of safety: How safe am I to express myself? To feel at ease? To take myself less seriously? Can I get rid of my mask (or at least, part of it)? Is there the slightest risk of being disapproved of?

Besides, all of these questions happen subconsciously. Worrying, feeling tense, or withdrawing from interaction: most of the time, they happen in the body despite our attempts to control them.

And when those bodily sensations disappear… Who would that person be?

Misconception #2: A shy person has the same personality as another shy person.

So, ten shy people walk into a room.

On the outside, you see them display the same characteristics:

• Social awkwardness
• Reserve
• Politeness
• Tension in their speech
• Low self-esteem (noticeable through their body language)

So you look at these ten people and think: Well, they have so much in common. But if you peer in closer…

You’ll discover that the above list is not an accurate representation of their core being. The thing is, we only see what’s on the surface and assume it’s their real self.

Aside from their masks, these people might have nothing in common.

Actually, the shyness of a person tells nothing about their character. Because if that layer disappeared (and all the limitations that are associated with it)…Who would that person be?

If you were ‘not shy’, would you be less you or more you?

Shyness is a Sticky Mask That’s Hard To Take Off

From my perspective, shyness has caused more blockages than opportunities in life. Especially when you believe you are the mask, you also fail to realize that you are so much more than a persona.

But should we get rid of it?

It's not that easy.

We might say “Don’t be shy!”, but that’s a bit like saying: “Don’t have bellyaches!”. You don’t quit a physical feeling with the snap of a finger.

Even more so when you’ve become identified with it.

The way you’re feeling is a mask. And your true self is not a mask.

If the pain activates, it activates. You didn't choose it.

If it goes, it goes...

And even if you’re the only one who knows, I guess that’s enough.