Why I Call My Project "The Shy Reveal"
I chose the embarrassing hobby of writing.
Hi! My name is Paperbag.
I’ve been thinking of getting a pseudonym so that I would feel more at ease with my writing. But on second thought, I chose a project name instead.
There are two explanations behind the project:
#1 I Was Born a Shy Kid
Shyness has been my personality label for as long as I can remember. But deep inside, I thought there was something wrong with me.
And as a result…
I’ve been hiding myself.
I wanted to cover my self-doubt by pretending to be ‘normal’.
But it didn’t work.
Wait, I thought. What have I been hiding all this time?
What is The Reveal?
I’m not really sure. But this quote made me ponder:
“Ultimately, social anxiety is the fear that whatever we’re trying to hide will be revealed to everyone like a gust of wind sweeps away a bad toupee. We think there is something wrong with us and therefore try to conceal it.”— Ellen Hendriksen (Source: How to Be Yourself)
If you can relate, you will find that…
Maybe The Reveal is being a human with feelings, thoughts, and ideas.
Maybe The Reveal is self-expression itself.
And writing seems to be the perfect outlet for that.
#2 I Want to Understand
Here’s a definition of reveal that I find pretty cool:
An occasion at the end of a television programme, etc. when something that has been hidden or kept secret until then is shown to the audience.
(Source: Cambridge Dictionary)
Well, I thought I was the scriptwriter (or at the very least, the actors).
But what I really am is…the audience.
I have no idea what will happen in the next few years. Where I’m going to be. What I’m going to learn. Who I’m going to meet. What I’m even doing and what I’m supposed to be doing.
Of course, I wish I had all the answers right away. I’m at the back of my theater seat, in suspense, waiting for the huge reveal to be displayed so I can finally be relieved.
But unfortunately, it’s far different from a TV show.
The reveal doesn’t need to happen at the end of life, and it doesn’t need to be a dramatic scene. We can still perceive it day by day, like clouds moving away from a brilliant sky.
Tiny moments can leave us mind-blown by life. Or at least they can bring us reassurance, wonder, and optimism. But it’s subtle, and that’s why I believe life is a shy reveal.
I don’t think I know what life is.
And because I’d like to understand, I’m going to write it.
My Philosophy: Self-Expression is Self-Reflection
I’ve been wanting to build something, make art, put my thoughts into perspective, connect with the world.
But to do that, you need creative confidence.
Ironically, you also need the confidence to have self-doubt. Because self-doubt will come when you embrace new territory. It is through your creations that you get to see your own reflection, and that can feel a bit…uncomfortable.
But despite the turbulence, there is still peace waiting ahead.
And maybe that’s the reason I write.
