When You’re In Love

The 8 feelings you’ve been craving your entire life

Do you have someone special? ;)

Here we go again.

Your friends are dating, getting married. Some are having kids. And if you happen to meet none of these criteria, you think you should maybe,
maybe get out of the house.

If not in your twenties, in your thirties. Your forties. Or perhaps at 95 years old, if you’re lucky to survive that long, you’ll meet the love of your life. Everyone moves at their own pace, they say.

Yeah…

Okay. You don’t wanna look too desperate, and perhaps you got brainwashed by Disney movies. But still, you were kinda expecting something by now.

You want to know what it feels like to have sparkling eyes, and a fast beating heart, because someone cares about you, and you care about them so much.

Well, until Prince Charming arrives (or not), I have a better idea:

Screw reality. Let’s be Charming ourselves.

We’ll wake up to a Charming day. Eat a Charming breakfast. Walk to a Charming park. Breathe the most Charming atmosphere. Because we’re already in love.

You don’t even want the person, you want the feelings.

So let’s experience them right now.

One.

You want to be alive.

If you’ve ever felt like a zombie, mindlessly scrolling your hours away, opening the damn fridge, looking for some food, any food that will nourish your heavy heart, you’ll find out…

Most of us are living dead.

It’s common to exist, but it’s rare to be alive.

If you want to be alive (or at least pretend), here’s the secret:

Tell everyone you’re a photographer.

Then buy a film camera. So you can capture the sky, the trees, the pretty houses, and someday…the beautiful person sitting next to you.

Because what you really want are memories.

In other words, you want pictures in which you were wide awake, emotionally.

Think about the day you passed a difficult exam. Or the summer you rode a bicycle, and the air tasted like freedom. Or when you made a new friend and everything clicked together.

You were not dead. You were not distracted by the past, nor the future.
You were indeed very present.

When you’re in love, you take pictures of everything. Because you want to remember what it feels like to be alive. Like right now.

Do you realize you’re here? Sitting. Breathing.

You’re always living.

Two.

You want to rest.

At work, you keep counting the hours. You wait for the evening, you wait for the weekend, you wait for the next vacation.

Do you see the alarm sign?

EXHAUSTION.

When you’re exhausted, it means there’s too much to do, too much to think about, and…nothing to feel about.

Naturally, your heart is gonna whisper. Then call aloud. Then SCREAM until you come to your senses. Now you do feel something, but you feel pain, and it’s not very enjoyable.

Okay, time to give up. Skip your to-do list. Throw away your goals. Destroy all your efforts. Kill the ideal version of you.

Yes, Chapter One told you to remember everything. This one asks you to forget everything. Even yourself.

Sounds contradictory? I know. But you need both. I believe a recurring death (in the form of sleep, contemplation, and time-outs) is necessary. For without death, there’s no rebirth, no energy. No life.

So here’s an exercise: Allow yourself to be quiet. I mean mentally. Sometimes the mind can be as noisy as a crowded shopping mall; we barely notice because we’re so used to it.

But here’s the truth:

You’re safe.
You’re okay.You did what you had to do.You can relax.

What’s missing?

Maybe someone who’s quiet too? So you can both stare at the clouds in silence. And no, you won’t need to impress each other or fill up an awkward void. You’d be content, because your mere presence is louder than any amount of words.

It says: I’m in love.

When you’re in love, there’s nothing to accomplish. You do nothing about your situation, and you’re still happy. No turbulences.

Long-lasting peace.

Three.

You want to be important.

We all want to be worthy of existing.

So we get fitter, prettier, we reach for high status.

So people can like us, respect us, be proud of us, or realize they were wrong: “Well, you’re actually more capable than I thought.”

The most obvious way to feel worthy is to have someone love you romantically. Because they’ll think about you a lot. There’s no way you can feel invisible again.

To them, you are special, precious, one of a kind…You exist!

But you know who cares for you even more?

Your heart.

It amazes me how my heart beats every second for me. It’s been that way before I was even born. And I took it for granted.

To be worthy, you put your hands on your heart, only to realize that it exists.

Sometimes it’s painful.

That’s why we’d rather not notice.

But without pain in your heart, you’d never realize that you have a heart. And if you were to meet someone special, you’d never be able to relate to their heart.

Notice the beating?

“Hey! I’ll give you the answer to melt your trouble away, so you can return to your natural state. And what’s your natural state? That’s right: L-O-V-E. It’s always been Love. But PLEASE FOR GOODNESS’ SAKE, NOTICE ME!!!!”

When you’re in love, you think about your heart. Because it’s special, precious, one of a kind…It exists! If no one sees you’re important, at least your heart does. Do you feel it?

And does your heart feel you back?

Four.

You want to imagine.

Remember when you used to play pretend:

You were once a princess. A pirate. A superstar. The coolest teacher ever. And you played computer games. You spent hours reading. You dreamt in your parents’ car. The radio was playing, and you visualized an entire music video. Was this real life?

Yes. Whatever you imagine is real.

You may call yourself a bit delusional, but…

Aren’t we all dreaming here, in this very moment?

Maybe what we call ‘reality’ is actually the biggest plot of your imagination.

When things don’t go according to my plans, I want to tell myself: “That’s okay. I’m in a dream.” Since none of it is real, I’m allowed to watch the movie of my life without getting too agitated.

And when the ending credits appear, my Higher Self will leave the theater, shrugging and thinking to themselves: Nice dream.

Who knows if you’ll have a romantic encounter. But it will be unexpected. That’s the point of a movie: you know, plot twists and everything.

When you’re in love, you don’t say: “I only believe what I see.”
More like: “I see what I believe.”

I see that I’m going to fall in love.

Just wait.

Five.

You want to be reassured.

You wake up every day without knowing what to expect. That itself is courage. Obviously there are times when you’re gonna be confused about where you’re headed, or who you even are.

You hate the sensation.

It’s not peaceful.

A gentle pat on the back might calm you down. The words: “It’s okay, it’s gonna be fine” might raise your confidence.

If your lover were here, at least you’d be on the same boat, facing this blob of uncertainty we call ‘life’.

Suddenly it’s not scary anymore. Your worries become tolerable. You don’t force yourself to believe everything will be alright. Because everything was alright all along, and you just didn’t notice.

Why that change of perspective?

Because someone believes you’re capable.

Trust happens when you’re trusted.

To be trusted, I suggest having a date with nature. The park, the beach, the valley, somewhere quiet. If not, look up pictures of nature online. Or watch a documentary.

Somehow, the scenery reminds me that I’m part of it. I breathe along with the trees, the flowers, the lake, the pigeons; these are the creatures I’m sharing a boat with.

Notice how the wind blows through your hair: It trusts you. The sun shines on the back of your neck: It trusts you. Little raindrops fall on your face: They trust you.

Soon, a rainbow appears, and that’s all the proof you ever needed.

When you’re in love, you become poised. Because nothing can hurt you. Nothing can reject you as much as you reject yourself.

This is nature saying: I trust you.

Six

You want to communicate.

Have you ever felt misunderstood?

Like you don’t belong with the world. Everyone seems to know what they’re doing, and you don’t.

So what do you do?

You pretend you’re a human, just like them.

No, I’m totally not an alien from a foreign galaxy. I can smile, I can speak some words. See, I’m laughing too. Ha ha ha.

That’s one way to belong, but it will seem fake and suck all your energy.

Another technique is to be better than everyone. Subtle but true: If you feel inferior, you’ll find ways to be superior.

You’ll compensate by achieving something great. Even your urges to write, to make art, might be infused with a quest for prestige. “I’m not like other people,” you think, as a way to boost your self-esteem.

I’m not average.

Until someday, you meet a person who sees you as their equal, their twin, their soulmate.

Now what?

You don’t care to compete anymore.

The teacher who humiliated you? The friend group you couldn’t fit into? The parent who believed you were too dumb? All these people who thought you were a nobody, who looked down on you?

You’ll communicate. And this time, you’ll be understood perfectly, without having to utter a single word. Because the joy will radiate on your face.

If you love someone, you wish well on everyone.

There could be people out there who appreciate your thinking, your creative potential, the message you’re trying to bring. You wish them well. Why? Because you love them.

When you’re in love, you want to communicate all that is beautiful.

Don’t neglect your ability to make art.

Someone needs it. You don’t even know.

Seven.

You want to have fun.

Once upon a time, you were a toddler, and you spoke gibberish. You danced, you ran in circles, you were a bit crazy, but you didn’t care.

That’s your heart, before it got conditioned to take life very seriously.

When you’re serious, you think a lot.

You think about work, or learning stuff you don’t want to learn, and it becomes dreadful. Meanwhile, you dream about drawing, writing, playing an instrument, but even that seems challenging.

Why? Because you want to be perfect.

You want to get somewhere. That’s why it feels like work.

Fun is about having fun with no ulterior motive.

One way to have fun is to see life as a game. You’re in The Sims, basically. Just trying to figure it out. You brush your teeth. Isn’t that ridiculous? You grin at the mirror.

Then you go to work. How can you make it fun? You talk to people, you look them in the eye, and it hits you that they’re characters playing life.
Just like you.

Watch how 50% of your worries melt away. You’ll be wondering: “How did I ever live that way? I feel so light!”

Now, you’re not learning languages only for the certificate. Reading to put another book on your Goodreads list. But simply because it’s entertaining.

When you’re in love, you feel weightless because you think less. You know life doesn’t take you seriously, so you don’t take it too seriously either.

Maybe we’re not here to be perfect, but to have more fun.

Eight.

You want to change.

They say the more time you spend with someone, the more you become like them. But all your life, you’ve been living with yourself the most, or should I say, your Old self.

The self that derived from your past experiences, education, traumas…Like a sponge, you soaked up all the beliefs they’ve put into you.

Now you start questioning: Are they even true?

Are they serving me? Can I actually think for myself?

If I were to throw all the programming that isn’t truly mine, would I become…

…a brand new person?

No, you’d be yourself again. It feels New because you’re not Old anymore, like you’re aging in reverse.

Sometimes you get tired of living the same reality, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

So tonight when you go to bed…

How about waving goodbye to your Old self?

Goodbye to your goals. Goodbye to your endless striving to become better. Goodbye to your problems.

Overeating (or whatever habit you use to escape) is not a problem. It’s just a solution for a tired heart, and if you keep doing it, that means it’s pretty useful.

Okay, but how do you stop?

Sadly, there’s no secret technique. No amount of self-help books will give you the answer. Why? Because they all want to sell you something, and that is: the feeling of being in love.

I bet you clicked on this article because you too, were craving some kind of relief, or guidance, or an interesting quote that will make you fall in love.

All in all, you were looking for an end to your suffering.

Because what you truly suffer from is…a lack of love.

When you’re in love, you survive because you expect something to change. So you keep dreaming. At least you try…

You‘ll never meet someone who will complete you. But you could meet someone who shares the same longing as you, and in the sharing of that longing, it would make you feel a little bit less alone.

If you never meet your soulmate, here’s your consolation prize:

You meet your New self. You go to the gym and watch YouTube motivation videos, just to convince everyone that you’re leveling up. That you won’t be longing anymore. When the reality is that you’re addicted to longing. We all are.

That’s why we keep going back to square one.

An endless loop of desire and frustration, of craving and giving up.

Maybe it’s not the best way to live life. Maybe we should all become monks and meditate for eight hours a day, just to dissolve the pain of our heart.

Or maybe, like the ego junkies we are, we could start romanticizing life and write journals and drink coffee and stare at the window, at ease with the fact that we’re always suffering, always hoping, always suffering, always hoping, rinse and repeat, and maybe that’s what love is all about.

It kinda helps.

Thank you for reading! ✿

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